Griffin's first month

Being Griffin's mom is so much more than I thought it would be. Busier, more overwhelming, more rewarding, more laundry, more love, hugs and cuddles…. The only thing there seems to be less of these days is sleep!

I spent a lot of time imagining this, and I must say I was still not prepared. I think people can tell you what it is like or what to expect but until you are REALLY there it does not sink in just how busy, and wonderful motherhood can be.
The laundry is CRAZY!! I do a load at least every other day, and he changes outfits at least 2-3 times but sometimes more. I think our record is 6 in a day. Part of the reason Griffin goes through so much laundry is that he is a little spit up factory! One of his nicknames given to him by His Aunt Tiffany is McGeyser… because when he spits up it does not usually just come out slowly… it shoots out, and sometimes I would even say it explodes out. This brings me to another thing I realized, it is MUCH harder to keep a clean shirt on me too because I have gotten a spit up bath more than I would like to remember in the last month!

Diapers have been interesting. Griffin seems to like to wait until you take off his diaper and then pee ;) another reason for laundry sometimes. He had a really bad diaper rash early on so he spent lots of time naked to let things air out… yikes did I have to clean up a lot of pee. Luckily his diaper rash finally cleared up and it seems to be getting a bit better as he has gotten older. Something I didn't know before he got here… newborns poop in almost every diaper, luckily since he is breastfed the poo doesn’t smell very strong at all, in fact it took me almost this whole last month to be able to tell when he had pooped by the smell.

Sleep is an interesting adventure every night because I never know quite what to expect. When we first brought Griffin home he would happily go right back to sleep after he was fed and sleep in his own bed. Around week two he started fussing sometimes. Now it is a bit of a struggle, he wants to be in bed right next to me and then he is happy and quiet… but if I let him sleep there than I don't get a good sleep because I don't let myself sleep deeply I am aware of him and every move and noise. So my new goal is getting him to be happy in his own bed, because then I get much better sleep. He sleeps 2-3 hours between feedings which is not too terrible but I cannot wait until he sleeps through the night, or even 5-6 hours at a time would be AWESOME!

One thing Griffin loves at bedtime is his glow worm sea horse. If he is only mildly fussy it will usually do the trick to calm him down, and if he has not fallen back to sleep when the music ends he will start again… if I turn it back on he calms right back down again. Maybe it's because I played it for him while he was still in my tummy… he liked it then too! It would make him dance :)
Griffin's personality has been interesting to see emerging.

He is still a wiggler like he was in my tummy. Until he hits deep sleep he wiggles a lot!
Another thing he is known for is his grunting… he grunts and groans as he is falling asleep, and when he is waking up, and when he is getting moved or changing positions, or if he is laying on the floor on his play mat… it is so funny!
When he is awake, has a clean diaper and is fed, he is very calm… he looks around like he is trying to figure the world out, and makes great eye contact when his eyes are not crossed that is ;) He also makes kissy face a lot while he is awake. It is his signature look. The best part though is that he just started smiling at people this week. I was the first one to get a smile when I was talking to him. It was such an awesome feeling! Since then his daddy and his Grandma Jane have both gotten smiles.
He is not afraid at all to let you know when he is not happy. It usually starts with little noises that sound like an angry kitty meowing and if the problem is not fixed he will yell at the top of his lungs, but the good part is that as soon as you fix the problem it's like it never happened. He is very easy to calm.

The one thing that Griffin hates the most is cold. This means that getting his diaper or clothing changed is the worst part of his day. He also hated the sponge baths he had to have while his belly button was healing! He has been doing better with not crying at diaper changes, but still does much better if he is awake at the beginning of the diaper change. Baths have gotten much better too since he can sit in the warm water. He is usually calm when I put him in and enjoys having the warm water poured on him, but when I start washing his hair and body he gets mad.

Breast feeding has been an interesting journey so far. To be honest it is not my favorite thing in the world. Griffin and I are still working on getting it right. I have lots of milk for him but I have not been pain free since the beginning. At first it hurt REALLY bad, and now it only hurts a little but it's still not as good as it should be. I finally broke down and called the la leche league for some help. The lady I talked to was very smart and she gave me some tips over the phone. It does seem to be helping so fingers crossed that it gets even better soon.
Griffin has loved his food from the beginning at first I called him my little snapping turtle because as soon as he knew the food was near he would CHOMP… ouch for mommy! He has gotten much better about that thank goodness. He loves to nurse though, it is the best calming tool in the world. When he is fussing and everything else is good even just a few minutes can help. After he eats we like to say he is in a milk coma… out like a light! He knows I am his source of food because if someone else is holding him and he is upset, even just hearing my voice will make him stop crying and start rooting, and if I pick him up whatever is in front of his face, he thinks it’s food, my arm, my neck it's all fair game…lol

One of the coolest things has been seeing Jeremy with Griffin. He is such a good dad. He is wonderful at calming Griffin, loves to hold him and has been so involved since day one. He has also just been a wonderful support to me. He gets up and changes Griffin's diapers in the middle of the night, and does everything he can to make my life easier.

Jeremy took off a week and two days to be with Griffin and I after he was born. The first day he went back to work was hard, we both missed him. When he got home Griffin was half awake, just chillin in my arms. When Jeremy came in he started talking to say hi to me. Immediately Griffin eyes popped all the way open and he started looking all around the room trying to figure out where his daddy was. Jeremy came over and bent over to give him a kiss and Griffin put up his little hands and put them on Jeremy's beard and just looked up at him… it was the cutest moment ever!
Griffin is a lucky boy to be surrounded by so much love. His Aunt Tiffany, and Aunt Lindsey and his Grandma and Grandpa Siebold, have all been so much in love with him. They have also been a big help with him and are always willing to hold him when I need a minute. He also has love coming to him from a distance, he has Grandparents, aunts and an uncle all loving him from Canada. I can't wait till they all get a chance to meet him!
You know how people tell you that when their baby was born they suddenly realized how much they loved them and it was a new and awesome feeling. I was thinking the other day about how I never felt a new wow feeling. I realized that for me there was never that "moment" because I already loved him long before he got here… for me him being here in person did not change my love, it just gave me someone to kiss and cuddle in person ;) I think it was so different for me because of Gabriel. I knew the love a mother can have from the moment I held our first little boy in my arms. Griffin was wanted so badly and I loved him intensely from the minute I knew he existed. I think I loved him even more because of our loss, even more because of almost loosing him too, even more because of how hard I had to fight for him. He is really our little miracle.

Being a mom is everything I needed. I feel complete now. I was meant to be this little boy's mommy, and I will do everything in my power to be the best mom I possibly can. I will love him fiercely, take the time to play with him, listen to him, and do my best to help him grow up to be the wonderful person I know God means him to be.